


Christmas Eve Confessions

by josgotglock



Category: NCIS
Genre: Holidays, Love Confessions, M/M, NCIS Secret Santa Exchange 2016, Pre-Slash, Romance, Season/Series 13 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-09 08:30:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8883922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josgotglock/pseuds/josgotglock
Summary: A little Christmas holiday story about two stubborn men, who finally take the time to talk about what went wrong with their work relationship, and begin to finally figure out what the future holds for them.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WestEndBroadwayBaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WestEndBroadwayBaby/gifts).



> As we weren't supposed to reveal our beta upon posting the story for our Secret Santa exchange, I wanted to come back and add a note to thank my very special beta - NCISVU!! She was awesome being a cheerleader and beta all in one! Thank you my friend! Much appreciated. :D

Tony stepped out onto the deck and took in a deep breath of the crisp winter air, and thought that it was the first time he took a deep breath in a very long time. He had left DC behind and sought refuge at his house on the Virginia coast line for the Christmas holidays. No one at NCIS knew he owned it. He liked it that way. The house and the 5 acres of coastline was willed to him by his partner in Philly. Tony had found out that Patrick had changed his will only after he was killed in the line of duty. Tony had told Patrick how much he loved the secluded house after he’d asked him to go away with him on a rare weekend off. It was the start of their personal relationship and it had happened here. Patrick would always be a huge part of his younger life. He was his first male lover and first truly serious relationship. Just the thought of Patrick, and everyone else who has come and gone in his life, made Tony grimace and wish for a stiff drink instead of the hot chocolate he had in his hand. Life, and to a greater extent, his job, always had a way of changing his plans, and now it was definitely time for some serious thinking and possibly making some life altering decisions on what to do next.

Since Iraq, Gibb’s getting shot, and the hunt for Daniel Budd, it had been non-stop case-wise and the exhaustion he felt daily never seemed to be overcome no matter how much he tried to catch up on the weekends. He was exhausted and he really needed to figure out what he was going to do, where he was going to go from here. He had not taken a real Christmas holiday break in years, and it was time to reassess his life while using some of his many banked days of leave.

In all the years he had been at NCIS, this past year seemed to be the most difficult. The atmosphere in the bullpen between him and Gibbs was plain icy. The glares, the looks from his teammates when Gibbs reprimanded him or didn’t say anything at all…it was too much. He’d had more than enough. This last case where Gibbs didn’t even turn around and speak to him sort of nailed the lid on the coffin. He really didn’t know what he had done to piss the man off so much, but he was exhausted just trying to figure out what it was. He truly didn’t think there was an answer. The answer laid within Gibbs, probably not ever to come out in actual words, but he’d changed after he was shot and not for the better. Oh the new clothes and haircut were distracting people from seeing that he had changed, but after a while even McGee was coming to him with questions on what really was going on with the Boss. Not that he had any answers, he was just in the dark as McGee and Bishop, but it seemed like Gibbs was trying more with Bishop and that hurt. 

It hurt in the fact that the Probie was getting Gibbs’ attention and care when he couldn’t even take the time to care about him. That’s what hurt the most. Gibbs used act like he cared about him, if he was hurt or was having a bad day, he always shot either a hand in his direction to help him up, be it literally or figuratively, or he shot off one of his glib remarks that just as quickly brought a smile to his face because underneath you could tell he cared about his well-being. But not anymore. That was probably the biggest change that was very apparent, even to McGee and Bishop. 

So now here he was. Hiding away, planning to enjoy a peaceful Christmas, safe in his home on the bay, sipping on hot cocoa and trying to figure out where to go from here. Should he stay or find some other Federal Agency to finish his twenty years and then ride off into the sunset? Or should he dig his heels in and fight for the man he’d been in love with for 15 years. Tough call as to which way he was leaning, but he had a few weeks to figure it out. Good thing the Director was so happy with his performance these past few months (my, how things had changed) and he was more than happy to let him take some of the massive amount of vacation/overtime that he had accrued while catching Daniel Budd and his band of misfits. 

As he walked back in the house for a refill on the cocoa, he spied his old upright piano that was given to him by his frat brothers from their old frat house at OSU when the college decided it needed to be condemned. He loved the memories that came with it, but was sad to think the old house had been torn down to build new. Sometimes that’s how he felt with all the new probies’ walking around the office. He felt old. Tony always felt that middle age and being the elder was what people looked at Gibbs for, but lately he’d been the one taking the reins and other agents along with McGee and Bishop had been leaning on him more so than Gibbs. But what does he get for that? Gibbs ignoring him and sending nothing but cold glares his way. 

Tony felt happy that he’d be passing a few hours each day of his vacation enjoying the solitude and playing some Christmas tunes on the old piano, something he hadn’t had a lot of time to do while trying to hold his life together, chase bad guys, catch said bad guys, and try to figure out what’s wrong with Gibbs all at the same time. 

********************************

Gibbs was tired and sore as he adjusted the ice pack on his knee. The cold weather that had creeped in for Christmas holiday had all his neighbor’s houses decorated with twinkling lights and snowmen in their yards, but it just made him feel old, worn down, and lonely. The old TV was playing some western and he contemplated being able to ride a horse instead of run after the bad guys. His knee definitely would appreciate less walking and running. Feeling tired and almost ready to lay across the couch pillows, his phone rang.

“Yeah, Gibbs.”

“Gibbs,” the female voice said.

Not really recognizing the voice he asked, “Who is this?” thinking maybe it was one of the new dispatchers calling them out again. Please God, not tonight.

“It’s Zoe.” 

Oh…

“Um, I’m pretty sure Spider wouldn’t want me to call you…”

“Then why are you?” he grumbled.

“You need to get your head out of your ass Gibbs!” she replied angrily. “He’s ready to walk and I have it on good authority he’s looking. He’s even contacted my superiors. So, this call is to make sure you know what an idiot you’re being and to go talk to the man.”

“The hell you say,” almost shouting at her. He gripped the phone hard wanting nothing more than to throw it across the room. DiNozzo was leaving? He really wouldn’t do that, would he? Gibbs started to speak again, but was cut off by her continued rant at him.

“Listen, Gibbs. You probably left today before the ink was dry on his leave request. He called to tell me he was going out of town and that we were through. Ha! I knew that we were through the minute I realized he was in love with you. When we worked on that case together, it was so clear, but I thought….well, I thought maybe I could make him love me, but I couldn’t. So, now…because I really do want him to be happy, I’m calling you. You bastard. Sometimes I don’t know how Spider can love a guy like you, but apparently he does, and because he doesn’t know how to make you happy, he’s going to leave.”

Gibbs couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Surely she had it wrong that Tony loved him. Really, he didn’t know what to do with that, so he moved onto the next frightening piece of news that Tony might leave after all these years of working together. They had seen each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly. He knew that things hadn’t been good between them since he got back from Iraq, and truly, he knew that it was his fault. He couldn’t seem to stop being a hard ass with Tony. But Gibbs had felt like he wasn’t needed and it reminded him of when he came back from Mexico. That was the hard pill for him to swallow. Always being the Boss, always having the team turn to him, but now that had changed and he really didn’t like change. The hardest thing for him to realize was that he should be pushing Tony to lead his own team, but he really couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing the man every day by his side. 

“Gibbs…you there?” she hesitantly asked.

“Yeah.” Wiping a hand down his face. How did I let this get so fucked up?

“Well, if you’re hearing what I’m saying, Tony wouldn’t want me to even be talking to you, and while I’m not going to give you any details, I will give you one clue. Take it, figure it out, and maybe you’ll find him. Patrick McClure, that’s your clue. Go Gibbs, make him happy. Because he deserves it, has earned it, and you know it.” She hung up before he could even launch a rebuttal.

Fuck, what do I do with that? DiNozzo is wanting to leave? Make him happy? What the hell?

Gibbs had not seen that coming. No, that wasn’t true. If Gibbs was truly honest with himself, he knew Tony had been less like his old self lately, and acting more like he wanted to be the Boss. That had irked Gibbs to no end when he came back from his injuries he’d sustained in Iraq. Gibbs, for the first time, had felt like he wasn’t needed by Tony and that, truly, was what created the mess he was in now. Because the truth was, Gibbs counted on Tony’s antics to make the bullpen less depressing with his humor, and he secretly loved seeing Tony’s beautiful smile every day, and the, “On your six Boss,” which always brought a warm feeling of security knowing he was there. 

Then there was the love he felt. Gibbs always tried to not let that part of his heart see the light of day because he knew there was never a chance. DiNozzo loved the ladies, he loved Ziva and Zoe. His countless stories every Monday morning just proved Gibbs right. So he’d always buried his love and just continued to work. Just like he’d always done. 

He didn’t want to lose Tony. That was the bottom line. Gibbs knew his track record with women was dismal, except that one shining moment with Shannon, but now he truly wanted to figure out how he fared with the one man that brought his heart back to life. 

Now he just had to figure out what that clue meant that Zoe so ungraciously provided him. And figure out how to keep Tony by his side, and show him the real love that he’d buried for all of these years. 

He knew just the person that could help. Amazingly enough, the man had grown quite a bit in the last few years and Gibbs knew he’d be the one to help him search this mysterious clue. Hopefully McGee and Delilah weren’t too far into their Christmas holiday plans. 

McGee grabbed for his ringing phone, “Boss?”

“McGee…” Gibbs sighed internally as he didn’t know how to ask what he needed to ask.

“What do ya need, Boss? Me and Delilah are just about ready to step out for her work holiday party. Is there a case?”

“No, Tim. I need a favor. I need you to research a name. On the down low. I just got some information about DiNozzo and I need to know how this ties into his whereabouts.” Gibbs knew he was pushing it by using Tim’s skills to track Tony down, but currently there was a desperate feeling in his gut to find Tony and get this figured out.

“Sure Boss, just let me get my laptop up and running.” Gibbs heard McGee telling Delilah to go ahead and he would catch up with her later at the party. A door closed in the background and then McGee was asking him for the information.

“The name is Patrick McClure. I think it was someone Tony worked with prior, and somehow it’s connected to where Tony is going. Just call me back when you have something, McGee.”

“No wait, Boss! Just hold on a second. Why do I need to find out where Tony is? What’s going on? Why are you looking for him?” the questions coming rapid fire from Tim caused it to take a moment for Gibbs to answer. “Is Tony in trouble?” 

“No, McGee. I don’t think he’s in trouble. Just call me when you get the information. I will work with what you have.” And he hung up.

Tim was starting to get a bad feeling, but started his research anyways and tried to push the worries that Tony was in trouble and the Boss just wasn’t saying to the back of his mind. As his computer booted up Tim started by searching the NCIS database for anything new on Tony and found his leave request had been posted late that night by Vance’s assistant. He pulled the document up and his jaw dropped to the floor – Tony had requested 6 weeks of leave! “What the hell?” Tim exclaimed bewilderedly. Six weeks of leave was like six months for Tony. He never took time off, maybe an occasional long weekend here or there, but nothing significant since he’d had the plague. 

He was beginning to see why the Boss wanted to search into Tony’s whereabouts, Tim started another data search on the name he’d been given. Random information started popping up and confirmation that Tony worked with him in Philly. He was an ATF undercover agent that worked on the same mafia case that brought down the big crime family which resulted in Tony moving on to Baltimore. But how was he connected to Tony’s location now? He was listed as deceased in the line of duty. Digging deeper into probably more classified files than he should, after about an hour of searching Tim found the little nugget of information that he couldn’t overlook. McClure was originally from Long Island, and went to college at Howard University in DC. He played college football and belonged to one of the college’s fraternities, which was the same frat that Tony belonged to at Ohio State. Too many coincidences, which there’s no such thing according to Gibbs. Finally the pieces of friendship began to come together for Tim and led him to discover that when Patrick was killed he’d left everything to Tony. 

McGee was astounded to learn that meant a large sum of money, a corvette, and some land on the coast of Virginia. He sat back in his chair and put all the pieces together in his head. Remembering when Tony’s corvette was stolen and demolished. McGee finally understood that Tony’s love of that car was that it was given to him by his friend and he really was heartbroken. But Tony, being Tony, tried to laugh it off, but now Tim realized how much it hurt Tony. Then, the more astounding fact was that Patrick came from a very wealthy family in Long Island, and probably knew Tony growing up, but to leave such a large sum to Tony, that was really hard to comprehend. However, now Tim understood how Tony could afford all the fancy clothes. But the hardest part was realizing that he didn’t know Tony like he thought he did. And that hurt. 

Wrapping up his searches, Tim thought about the past summer working with Tony and how much he’d enjoyed the role as his SIC. He really come to realize how much Tony had taught him over the years about investigative work and he felt like their friendship had grown so much stronger. He really felt closer to Tony than he had ever been before. Maybe that was part of getting older, more settled in his own life that brought to mind more and more about how much he loved working with Tony. His pranks were sometimes childish, but Tim had begun to see how, with the arrival of Senior, that Tony’s childhood wasn’t an ideal one. He’d begun to feel that Tony was as much a brother, as Sara was his sister. He respected the man that Tony was, and he’d do anything to see Tony happy. 

Tim thought about Gibbs’ request tonight. He saw how much Gibbs was being a bastard towards Tony since he’d returned from medical leave. He saw how much Tony was hurt by that. He’d begun to get an inkling that perhaps there was a deeper feeling Tony was hiding. He knew that it took him longer to see the very personal things that Tony likes to hide away, but he was making progress on figuring him out. He valued his friendship and leadership more than he realized. He and Bishop did everything they could to support Tony and the CIA’s hunt for Daniel Budd, while watching Tony turn himself inside out to avenge Gibbs being shot. He couldn’t help but get a sense that Tony was in love with Gibbs. He saw Tony lose the frat-boy persona, take on many challenges over the summer, and Tim knew Tony worried himself sick over Gibb’s recovery. Mini glimpses past his walls, and Tim realized that his friend harbored deep feelings for their boss. 

Tim shook himself out of his ruminations and promised himself he would have Tony’s six. He braced himself for the callback to Gibbs with his findings. This was not going to be an easy conversation.

“Yeah, Gibbs.”

“Boss, I’ve searched and found information regarding McClure,” he hesitated in going further, but moved on when he heard the Boss grunt in response.

“Patrick McClure, born in Long Island, attended RIMA and Howard University, top of his class, hired out of college by the FBI, then moved to the ATF in Philly. Worked on the same crime family take-down as Tony, was killed in the line of duty shortly after the crime lord, Malcuso, was convicted. Speculation was it was retaliatory by the family’s henchmen, but nothing was proven and his case was classified cold about a year later. He left everything to Tony in his will. Apparently they had a history as McClure played college football and was in the same fraternity as Tony, they just attended different colleges.” McGee paused to see if Gibbs would comment, but Gibbs was silent.

“Boss, my conclusions are that they were friends as children in Long Island, played or knew each other in college, and then became, if not partners, team members on the same case in Philly. Boss, he left quite a bit to Tony. First being his corvette.” McGee and Gibbs both stopped at that and just let the memory of the car being driven off the road and Tony’s heartbreak over watching it being crashed go through their minds. 

“Second, a large sum of money…more than $3 million, Boss.”

“McGee!” Gibbs interrupted, “Why isn’t that in Tony’s file? How did that slip past NCIS HR?” Gibbs asked frustrated and astounded that Tony had that kind of money, but in his head it did explain a few things.

“I don’t know Boss, but maybe Morrow had something to do with that? But it’s not listed in his personal file. And speaking of that, why did Tony request 6 weeks leave? What happened Boss?” asked Tim worriedly.

“I don’t know, Tim, but that’s what I’m trying to figure out,” sighed Gibbs feeling a headache coming on.

“Boss that’s not all I found.”

“What else, McGee?” Gibbs ground out.

“McClure left land on the Virginia Coast to Tony. Maybe that’s where he’s headed. But why didn’t he ever tell us about it, Boss? That seems strange, but I know there is more to Tony than he ever lets on, but still…we’ve been partners for 15 years!” the hurt in Tim’s voice was increasing as reality of the situation with Tony was creeping in.

“I don’t know McGee, but we know that Tony always keeps what’s most important close to the chest. So, give me the address and I will see if that’s where he is.” 

“Gibbs…”

“McGee” he waits. 

“Boss, I know you’ve dealt with a lot lately. You being shot, recovering, but you haven’t been acting normal since before Iraq, and…” he hesitated.

“Just say what you’re going to say, McGee,” knowing his agent was going to give him some hard truths. Maybe he needed that, Gibbs thinks.

“Gibbs, don’t you dare hurt him anymore. You need to cut him some slack and realize he’s had your back the whole time you’ve been recovering. Hell, even before that. For 15 years he’s been on your six. Just don’t make him leave, Boss. He’s the best on this team and you know it, and…and I really liked my time this summer as his SFA.” McGee finished almost shouting, which found him heaving for breath as he realized again what Tony meant to him and that Gibbs was really listening to him.

“I won’t, Tim. You have my word.” Gibbs quietly hung up, but wondered if he could keep that promise. It was time to figure it out. Fish, or cut bait. Tell Tony he loved him, or let him go and watch him walk away. That thought was enough to feel his heart cracking open and he leaned his head back on the couch for a moment to catch his breath. His lungs that seemed to have seized up and his heart felt like it was working overtime. He loved Tony, to his very soul, he loved everything about the man and Gibbs let that feeling begin to grow inside, he had opened a door and saw the light that began to illuminate the room in his heart, until he knew with certainty that he was going to fight until his last breath for Tony and hopefully get him to come back home with him to be loved as his very own. 

*******************************

The drive south out of DC to the coast was filled with holiday traffic, Gibbs resisted driving like his normal ‘bat out of hell’, as he needed the time to think over what he was going to say to Tony when he arrived. Finding Tony’s house along the vast expanse of back roads was a little trickier, but he dared not tell Tony that. No. The man would just poke fun at him for not having the required GPI, or GPU, or GPS, or whatever the hell those things were called. 

Finally, he turned down the country lane that McGee had mapped out for him that should end at Tony’s cabin. Gibbs slowed his truck around a small curve and the “cabin” came into view. And what a beautiful home it was. Large tall trees filled the front yard and behind them sat a huge A-frame house made up of virtually all windows in the front with a large wrap around deck. Gibbs could see the bay from the view through the windows themselves sitting in his truck in the driveway. He whistled through his teeth at the sheer size and grandeur of the home and figured that Tony’s friend definitely had been a member of an affluent family. It definitely looked like something out of one of those log cabin magazines where it was more mansion than cabin. 

After putting the truck in park, Gibbs sat for a moment and went through the facts of what he knew so far. Tony inherited this house from a guy he worked with in Philly. He’d been his beneficiary and gained wealth along with the house. Tony had requested six weeks of leave without telling him, and Gibbs felt with all the revelations that he’d learned the last few hours, that one hurt the most. Gibbs wondered if he would ever come back. Not wanting to alert Fornell, Gibbs had just taken Zoe’s word that Tony was putting out feelers for other opportunities. He knew that Tony deserved to move on, but he didn’t want him to leave if he could do anything to stop him. 

So, he had arrived at Tony’s house. Now what Old Man? Get your ass in there and fight for him, that’s what you do, dammit. You’re a Marine, you’ve faced many enemies, with that man by your side. Go Marine! Gibbs felt like his back was against the wall, but he’d prepared himself on the drive down, and now was ready to fight for Tony. Fight within himself to say the words he needed to say.

Gibbs stepped out of the safety of his truck and stood and took in a long deep breath. He filled his lungs with the fresh sea air and it felt good. The more he actually took in the sight of Tony’s house, the more impressed he was. Now it was time to move and he walked up the steps and knocked a few times on the front door.

************

Tony was enjoying playing the piano and staring at his Christmas tree off to the side of the fireplace. He enjoyed decorating it in the peace and quiet and the view of the water. He felt grounded for the first time since last spring. As always, Christmas made him think of all the things he really wanted in life, so while those things simmered in the back of his mind he began to play a few holiday classics to try and fill the silence. Picking at the keys moving from holiday songs, to jazz, and then some of his favorite songs from the radio. He did his best thinking when his fingers found the keys and played the songs either by ear or by his memory. Moving from piece to piece as the melody took him. 

A noise registered and in his peripheral vision he realized there was a vehicle out front of his house and someone knocking at his door. Dammit, how the hell? was the only thing that went through his brain when he recognized Gibbs’ truck. Standing from the old piano he went to open the front door before the Marine broke it in. 

“So who did you bribe to find me Boss? Because I know damn sure you didn’t get here on your own!” Tony let his anger show in his voice as he pulled the door open and looked at his boss on his front step.

Gibbs almost stepped back by the anger in Tony’s voice. He wasn’t sure what to do with all that fire, but it probably would be a good idea just to lay his cards on the table.

“Got a call earlier, they gave me a tip.” But maybe not all his cards...yet. 

“So go on...I know only 3 people that know about this place, one of them is dead, I’m one, and the other one should have kept their mouth shut!” Tony felt like he was releasing some of that cold anger that Gibbs had been displaying for the last 6 months. It felt good to finally let it out and to make Gibbs feel unwelcome at his home, like Tony himself had felt for over the last few years. However, there was some hurt in there too, because again, Gibbs was lying to him. 

Gibbs knew he didn’t have much more to offer, and he decided that maybe he should at least tell Tony what he demanded to know.

“Zoe called me. Said she was worried about you. She gave me the name of your old partner in Philly. So I called McGee and...well, you can figure out the rest.” Sighing Gibbs was trying to not fidget while he waited for DiNozzo’s response, not really wanting to reveal that he was there to save his relationship with his second in charge.

Tony had studied the man for enough years that he could tell there was something else going on. Part of him knew Gibb’s wasn’t telling him the whole truth of why he was here and wondered why that hurt as much as it did. What could make Gibbs the ‘immoveable mountain’ come all this way on a cold winter evening? On Christmas Eve, even! It definitely wasn’t because an ex-girlfriend was worried. Tony tried not to get his hopes up that Gibbs really was worried. Sighing internally he looked past Gibbs’ shoulder and noticed the sky darkening and knew that he would probably have to offer Gibbs the guest room, at least for tonight, it was Christmas after all. Maybe, just maybe, they could really talk, but Tony doubted that he would get the answers he wanted. 

“Well, you might as well come in. It’s starting to get dark and I don’t want to be responsible for you driving back to DC tonight. God knows, I’m doing everyone else a favor with the way you drive!” Tony said with an edge to his voice. He turned away from Gibbs and walked across the open floor plan towards the kitchen. Figuring his boss would definitely be in need of some strong coffee after the drive down from DC. 

Gibbs sighed, turning to close the door behind him he looked out across the trees and front drive of the cabin. He looked out towards the setting sun and said a little wish that he could find the words to fight for the most important person in his life. Then he turned and stepped into the beautiful home of Tony’s and made his way towards the smell of fresh brewed coffee. 

********

Hearing the door close, Tony leaned against the counter with both hands, bowing his head and just trying to figure out what was happening with Gibbs here in his home. It was a surreal feeling as no one had ever been in his sanctuary, only his friend Patrick, and that was a lifetime ago. His deepest wish, the one he’d never allowed himself to even think about, was to share his home with Gibbs in the same way. 

Trying not to feel hurt that Gibbs continued to hold back from him, he decided that being honest and open was the way that he could find an end to all these unknowns. Breathing out a deep sigh and not looking up from where he watched the coffee pot, "Why did you drive all the way out here if you were just gonna continue to lie to me?" 

Gibbs hesitated and thinking about how to answer Tony’s question, "I think I've been lying to myself for so long now that I don't even really know what the truth is anymore." 

Tony, feeling bold, decided he didn’t have anything else to lose. "Do you even want me around anymore? 'Cause I used to think I knew you, but lately I can't tell anymore."

"I wouldn't have pursued you in Baltimore if I didn't, Tony," Gibbs said, feeling a bit of the tension escalate, "and I certainly wouldn't have kept you around for 15 years. You can be a gigantic pain in my ass, you know that?" The two shared a smile that vaguely resembled some of the smiles they'd shared in the good ole days, but Gibbs knew Tony needed more. He knew Tony deserved more. "Yes, I like you, Tony, and I still value you as my Senior Field Agent. I may not have shown it over the past few months, but I do,” Gibbs said, his tone giving way to the genuine feelings he'd been unable to voice in the past. 

“Then why have you been so cold and distant, Boss? I just can’t understand, if you like me, why did you treat me this way?” Tony earnestly looked at the man in front of him and really hoped he would finally get an answer.

Gibbs sat at the bar stool and looked down into the coffee mug that Tony sat in front of him, like it would give him the words to say. Grudgingly, he began, “Because Tony, you were everything this summer that I wasn’t. You were the lead, and you found all the information. You were strong, where I wasn’t. You were impressive, and all I felt was weak and broken. I needed to be that Bastard again, so I felt in control again. Because, damn Skippy, you are the best out there, and I could see it plain as day.” 

Lifting his head, Tony studied the man standing before him, letting his words replay over and over again in his head. He knew that this conversation wasn’t finished, but it felt good to be finally acknowledged by Gibbs that he appreciated him – even liked. And wasn’t that a sad state of affairs that it took just a short few words to make him feel like all was well again. He knew that they just needed some hours together to try and rebuild their friendship to what it was back when he first started working for the man. 

“Thank you, Gibbs. That truly went a long way in explaining to me why you have treated me so coldly. I don’t know where we go from here, but I appreciate the effort you’ve made today to explain the past few months.” Struggling not to let his emotions get the better of him and tell him of his deeper feelings, Tony knew that was about the only explanation he would get from Gibbs. 

After what felt like an eternal awkward silence, a small smile spread across Tony's face and a hint of the twinkle that used to be ever present in his eye returned. "I could make up the guest bedroom for you," he offered, “and I have some steaks you could throw on the fire”.

“That would be great Tony. I would like to look around this beautiful house of yours too,” Gibbs smiled back at him and he felt even more positive that he could possibly tell the man how he really felt. Tony looked across the bar at him and said, “I prefer stoic,” with a laugh. Gibbs playfully reached up and head slapped him as he recalled the conversation they'd had forever ago.

**********

After a wonderful meal, put together by Tony with Gibbs cooking the steaks, Gibbs found himself sitting in front of the grand fireplace watching the flames dance and sipping on some of Tony’s expensive bourbon. Tony resting beside him in the other comfy chair, legs extended towards the flames to warm his feet. The quiet was comfortable, yet there was an expectancy within Gibbs that left him feeling unsettled. He felt the need to talk, which he acknowledged to himself was rare, but knew he needed to say what he had come here to say. He felt that Tony was probably more open to a discussion with a full belly and enjoying his own glass of scotch. 

“Tony, I know the past few months I’ve been a real bastard. And you can agree that I’ve treated you much differently than I have the others. For that, I’m going to break rule six, and apologize for my behavior,” pausing and taking another fortifying sip of bourbon, Gibbs waited for Tony to speak. When the younger man just tipped his head and nodded for him to continue, Gibbs knew it was time to lay all his cards on the table. “I was scared. Plain and simple. Scared that you were half way around the world chasing after the bad guys and I was going to lose the one person that I cared for above all others. And then, when you came home, I was still scared because I knew that everyone saw your talent and dedication and I didn’t want you to leave me. Just like everyone else has left me.”

Watching Gibbs struggling for words and finally getting some answers, Tony became heartened and wanted even more explanation. “Gibbs, why did it feel like you were angry with me? You wouldn’t even acknowledge me and you kept shutting me out of everything. What was up with that?” 

“Tone, you know I’m no good with talking, but I’m trying to tell you something important. Something I’ve been hiding from you for a long time. My feelings. The ones I’ve only had for one other person. I… I love you, Tony. This summer when I was recovering I knew you had to be the one to find Budd and take him down, but I was frustrated because I wanted you to be the one near me, taking care of me. Just like Shannon used to do when I would come home from deployment. And I took my frustration out on you. I know that’s on me, and I know that I need to just tell it all.” Gibbs set his glass on the table by the couch and moved to kneel in front of Tony’s chair. Knees creaking as he got to one knee, he laid his hands on Tony’s thighs and searched his eyes trying to convey his love. 

Stunned and trying to process that he’d just heard those three little words from the person he loved, Tony reached out his hand and gently laid it alongside Gibbs’ face. Rubbing his thumb tenderly across his cheek, he looked into those blue eyes that he adored and whispered, “Jethro, I have stayed by your side for so long, because I love you too. So much. It hurt me when you shut me out. It was worse than when you came back from Mexico, ‘cause this time I was even more certain I loved you. But, as much as I wanted to be there to help you recover, I had to get Budd. I had to take him down – he hurt you!” He closed his eyes remembering how hard it was to walk away from the man he loved in that ship’s surgery room. “But please know that I was wanting to be with you the whole time. I don’t want another day, week, or year to go by without you knowing that I love you just as much as you love me.” 

Tony slowly slid his hand into the silver strands on the back of Gibb’s head to pull him closer saying, “I’m going kiss you Bo...”

Gibbs moved forward quickly and softly laid his lips on Tony’s and felt his world stop on a dime. This was everything he wanted, everything he’d fought so hard to come back to. Tony’s lips moved across his and Gibbs’ felt his tongue slide along the crease of his lips. Opening to the man, Tony deepened the kiss by tilting his head and reaching up with his other hand to hold Gibbs exactly where he wanted him. Showing him how much he was loved by putting everything he had into the kiss. His tongue dueled with Jethro’s and the passionate fight for dominance was enjoyed by both men. 

Finally, tearing his lips away from Jethro’s, Tony leaned his forehead against the other man’s and just smiled into his eyes. “How about, instead of the guest room, you come to my bed. I want more of this. I want to be able to show you how much I’ve wanted you for so many years. I have a lot of ideas stored in this head of mine, so you better be prepared,” Tony grinned wickedly. 

Jethro gathered his wits about him after that amazing kiss and just nodded his head, grinning right back at his lover. He’d pretty much run out of words anyway. Knowing Tony, he was certain he was in for a ride. Hopefully in more ways than one, he thought happily. 

Gibbs stood and pulled Tony from his chair. Tony then began moving towards his bedroom with Jethro following close behind, still holding his hand. They slowly walked up the stairs to the bedroom. Tony knew what he wanted from this night, and it may not quite meet his ultimate expectations, but just being able to hold the man he loved and maybe in the next few days take their relationship farther. So, for tonight, he wanted to be sure that Jethro was ready for the same thing, a long term relationship with all their love freely expressed to friends and family. 

Reaching the bedroom, he turned and looked at Jethro’s face, watching him look around the room and take in the large king size bed. “Yeah, a lot different than my apartment, I know.” Jethro just nodded and stepped closer to the large comfortable looking bed. 

Turning away from Jethro, Tony pulled the bedding back with one hand, “Let’s just see what happens tonight, Jethro. I want to be sure we don’t rush this. I want us both to be comfortable with what this means to our work and home life. Truly, I just want closeness and being able to hold you. For tonight anyways, then you better watch out Old Man!” The men smiled and Jethro dropped a brief kiss on Tony’s lips. 

Their hands began removing their clothes. They both left their boxers on and Tony smirked to himself that he finally had his question of boxer or briefs answered and wouldn’t Abby be jealous of his knowledge. Jethro smiled that cute little half grin at Tony and laid down on the bed, gesturing Tony to join him by holding his arm out for him to snuggle close. Tony aligned his body up against Jethro’s side and felt the arm come around him. He felt safe, and he felt like he’d found his home.

He was happy that he had a chance to try and make a relationship with the man that opened his heart again to love, even if he did leave his team. He thought about all the Christmases that he struggled through without his family. All the cold nights in the basement wishing he could find true love again. Having Tony here in his arms made him feel whole…complete. He knew they had a lot of work ahead of them to keep their relationship strong, especially if Tony took one of the offers that he knew were on the table. But, knowing he was loved, just as much as he loved Tony, made up for the loneliness he had lived through for over twenty years. He could rest now. Happy in the knowledge that they were moving forward together whatever life might throw in their path. 

Merry Christmas Everyone! 

FIN.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this story met most of my NCIS SeSa's wish list. I know one of the wishes was for something kinky and well...unfortunately that's beyond my talent. I hope a happy little story with Tim/Tony friendship and Tony/Gibbs pre-slash is okay for this year. There's always next year! :)
> 
> Merry Christmas! 
> 
> Here's a link (hopefully it works) to a picture that I googled of a beautiful A-frame log house that I used for the inspiration of describing Tony's place. https://goo.gl/images/DeEJPe


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